My Addiction

March 4th, 2019


Coffee

I love the smell of it. Waking aroma.

I love the taste of it. Notes of sunshine.

I love the feel of it. Conquer the world.

With or without a lid, I can spill it.

Hot or cold, I can chug it.

App or not, I can order it.

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Clean It Up

March 3rd, 2019


Today was a clean it out, clean it up, clean it off day.  You would think by the amount of time I spent cleaning that my entire house would be immaculate but…no.  I have one room that is spotless.  That’s how it seems to work.  I make a huge mess to clean it up.  I wanted to do it right so everything has a place and I took on the whole “Does this bring me joy?” question.  Not as easy as it looks.  BUT it’s a start.

I have a confession.  I bought the book and it looks really awesome in my stack of books by my bed.  I read the cliff notes version through all of the posts that friends posted.  I don’t know if I WILL ever read the book.  Whatever works, right?

So I’m happy.  And that is the whole point.  Right? Marie?


 

Holding A Friends Hand

March 2nd, 2019


Today was a coffee date with a best friend.  We both turn 40 this year and suddenly we have common life situations that we never thought would be happening right now.  You know the movie 40 Year Old Virgin?  Well I think we are both in our own movie 40 Year Old Caregivers.  We knew this day would be here but the realty of it happening right now is hard.

Watching your parents go through hell when they want so badly to be healthy sucks.

So we hug tightly.  We share stories.  We hang onto memories and your friends help you do this.  I am very lucky to have the support system I have.  I want to be there for my friends like they have been for me.  It means a lot.

This friend called me from Seattle and said she was on standby to Indy.  She needed to get to her dad ASAP.  He came home on hospice.  She made it in time to say goodbye.  And now we hold tightly to friendship and each others hand.

 

 

Simple Tasks Aren’t Always That Simple

March 1st, 2019


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Last March I was sitting in the hospital next to this incredible human being.  He had a full watershed stroke on March 24th and we were so unsure of the future.  Little did I know that joining the SOL last year would have been such a valuable and cherished decision.  I went back and read through my posts and I am so happy that I have these writings to look back on.  It really has been a journey.  This SOL journey could not have come at a better time.  It is needed.  Now for me to realize that I can keep writing past March.  That is my goal and wish for myself.

Well it has almost been a year.  My dad has insisted on never using a cane or walker and has decided that he will hold on to his complete independence for as long as he can.  He walked himself out of the hospital almost two months later and is getting stronger every single day.

Fast forward to Thursday, February 21st.  I got the frantic call that my dad had a seizure and they were rushing him to the hospital by ambulance.

Seizures are a weird and scary thing because you can’t rule out right away what caused it, you may never know what caused it and you don’t know if it will ever happen again.  The doctors gave us a laundry list of possible triggers and we came home two days later.

Well today I busted him out of my parents house to give my mom, currently getting ready for round 2 of chemo, a much needed quiet moment.

He needed and wanted a haircut.  So.  We went and got a haircut.

This place knows him by name and it was like a welcome party when he walked in.  They hadn’t seen in him in months and were sincerely worried about him and my mom.  It brought tears to my eyes.

So walking into the shop, sitting in that chair, talking and holding conversations, and paying with money from his billfold.  All of this took courage.  All of this took patience.  All of this made me incredibly nervous for him.  All of this was challenging in so many ways.

It should be a simple task to get a haircut, but nothing about it was nor will it be any time soon.  So until then we do it together.  We do it through love and community.  Today that was very clear to me.  I’m going to hold onto that not only for my health but for his as well.

Hard Conversations

Slice of Life Day 29

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What if we have to do the hard things in order for it to get better.  Courageous conversations are supposed to be worth it but what if they are not worth it all.  What if it pops so many bubbles.  Ones you didn’t even know existed.  Ignorance is bliss…but is it?

The phrase “Now that you know, what will you do?” is one that stays with me.  I find courage in it but when it comes to family I seem to ignore it.  I just don’t want to to have that hard conversation…yet.

Not Going To Be Easy They Said

Slice of Life Day 28

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Childhood

Not going to be easy they said.

Elementary, Middle, High School

Not going to be easy they said.

Friendships

Not going to be easy they said.

Relationships

Not going to be easy they said.

Tests

Not going to be easy they said.

Sports

Not going to be easy they said.

Love

Not going to be easy they said.

Marriage

Not going to be easy they said.

Having children

Not going to be easy they said.

Getting older

Not going to be easy they said.

 

Watching your parents get older

More than heartbreaking.  It plain sucks.

 

I don’t need no fortune cookie…

Slice of Life Day 27

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I have started to make song lists that include whatever songs my kids are into at the time.  I love that we share music likes and dislikes together.  I want to them to know and enjoy all types of music (although country is still a hit or miss with them).

I looked back at 2017 and it was really neat to see what we were jamming out to on our car rides.

This year so far we have had such a crazy fun mixture.  The latest was an accidental find.  It came on as a recommendation from Pandora.

“Today is gonna be a good day.  Don’t care what anybody else say.  I don’t need no fortune cookie to tell me the way I’m feeling.  Today is gonna be a good day.” -DNCE

I think we have a new theme song.  At least until the next song comes along.